Thursday, December 11, 2008

Congratulations are in order!!!

Today, my very best friend, my brother, Rickie, married the love of his life. I'm so happy for them both. Rickie, I've seen you hurt so bad, it is good to finally see you happy and believing in love. I wish you both years of happiness and joy and may every day be filled with your love for each other. Gab, I hope to get to know you better, you are the man who brings love to Rickie's heart. Bless you both.


Monday, December 8, 2008

Surviving... with your love and support

Ok, I have tried to tell everyone what is going on with Nevie right now, but it is a hard story to try and explain, so here is what is going on...

I have suffered from Clinical Depression my entire life. 8 years ago I was finally put on medication for it. All was going well for a while. 6 years ago I was put onto my current medication, then I moved. I never found a doctor that understood it well and helped me. So, for the past 4 years I have been on the same dose.

In September, I had a nervous breakdown. Instead of checking to the hospital, I went to stay with my sister for a week. She took me to see the family doctor. He was the original doctor who had treated me since I was 10 years old and first put me on medication. He said he couldn't do much for me since I live so far away, but he could set me on a path toward getting help. He said I needed to find a doctor that I could trust close to home. He started redcucing my dose of medication and added a supplemental medication to help me. I am now at the lowest stage of the process, ready to start new meds.

It has put me into a pretty severe depressive episode. I have not had the interest to do anything but lay here on the sofa, day in and day out. Every little thing makes me depressed. I have tried to stay in contact, but have felt no desire to get onto Second Life lately. Because of the depression, I feel so lost and alone. I know that getting online would allow me to see my friends and realize I'm not alone, but it is easy to tell someone that, another for them to see it.

Rickie has been my biggest strenghth through all of this. I can't put into words what he means to me. Rickie, you truly are my best friend. You are a true friend. I love you with every beat of my heart... and ever sigh of my heart. *smiles knowingly* It is the size that matter. *hugs Rickie tight* Never forget just how much you mean to me, Rickie. My Best Friend Forever. You are forever in my heart, a part of me.

Tori, my dear sister, I know I have been distant, but you always know where to find me. I love you so much. You really are my best girl friend out there, hun. I have known you for over two years now and our friendship still grows stronger each day. I am so happy for your engagement... both in world... and most importantly, in real life!!! Yay!!! I am always here for you.

Another person, who thought that because I was going through so much that he couldn't bother me, Galen, has also been a great help to me. Galen, hun, I am always here for you. I may have a lot on my plate, but I always have room for you. You are my family, remember that. Love you like crazy, bro!

Today, I logged into Second Life. I didn't know how I was going to feel. I realized just how loved I am by so many people. I am sorry that I worried everyone. Right now I have a lot going on and will still be quiet for a while. I have a lot to do in the next two weeks, then will have family in town, then I am going on a cruise. Okay, all you jealous people out there, get it out in the open. LOL. I will think of each and every one of you while I'm away. You are forever in my heart.

Jamie, you have been such a shining star in all my darkness, it seems that every time I feel the world growing colder and darker around me, there you are, to hold me close and show me the light, the love. You have become one of my very best friends. Thanks for always being there for me. I will always be here for you.

I spent a lot of time talking to Jason today. That really helped. Though I have know Jason for a while, I just see some things much clearer lately. Jason, you have always been a great friend, I am thankful every day that I know you. Thank you for taking the time to talk to me, show understanding toward my situation. You are a very special part of my life.

I also got to actually hang out for a bit with Damien and Hap at their new house. Gawd, I have missed you guys so much!! I love you both like crazy. Damien, hun, you know you can always get ahold of me. You and Hap are two of my very best friends. My brothers!! I love the new place. I am so happy for both of you. I still smile knowing that you love me enought have made me best man at the wedding. If ever you need anything, let me know. I always have time for you guys.

My brother, Franzi, actually tracked me down on msn yesterday and we talked. I feel bad that I have left and not been there for you. After the new year, I will be around more. I am always here for you, Franzi. Thank you for being there for me. I always know I can turn to you for some licks and cuddles.

I talked to Mike for quite a while. Mike and Benji both have been such great friends. I am honored to know them both and be considered family. You are my family as well. I love you both. I am never far away. I think of you all the time though. Ooh, Tell Xander I say hello, I miss my little Pug buddy.

Let's see, I talked to Gareth for a bit. He has become such a wonderful friend lately. We knew each other from work, but became good friends just recently. Thank you for everything, babe.

I also talked to Sexy Skyler. I have known him for a while, but it wasn't until more recently that we rekindled our friendship. He has really helped me out. One of the people I know I can always turn to for some kitty cuddles.

It as also good to talk to Andy. I am glad to know that I have friends out here who care about me.

I talked for a while with Lenny too. He is such a great guy. I am glad to find someone else who knows what I'm going through. If you should ever need me, I'm here for you, mate.

I even made a new friend today. I had seen him dance at Bad Puppy when I was there supporting DJ ReZ, but finally got to talk to Ricky. I hope to talk to him more again soon. I hope to get a chance to unwrap that "package" too. Hehehe. Yummy. He has a nice tail too.

There are a few people that I did not get to talk to today that are on my mind and I could not write this without mentioning them.

Octavia, my dear sweet fruit fly. I am sorry that you have been so worried about me. Galen scolded me for not keeping you all updated on how I'm doing. I love you so much. I'm sorry to have been so absent lately.

Benji, I am sorryt that I haven't been around lately. I hope I will still have my job when I return in January. LOL. I love you like crazy, brother.

Danny, you are one of the most special people in my life. you have been my best friend and brother since the day i landed my newbie ass at Boots. I love you with all my heart, hun. I know you haven't been on SL much lately either. I am usually on my msn if you really want to get ahold of me... I would like that actually, I miss talking to you.

There is someone I was really hoping to see today in my first real time on second life since the depression hit. He is someone I think of often. Thinking of him warms my heart always. I looked forward to spending time getting to know each other better, then he got sick and my derpession started getting worse. I leave him messages from time to time to let him know I'm thinking of him. I don't know how to say the things that go through my mind when I hear back from him. I really like him. He is one of the sweetest guys I know. My favorite thing to do is just sit quietly with him. I hope to do that again soon. So, Ianto, if you read this, I'm thinking of you and hope you think of me too.

Van, you are one of my greatest friends. I always know I will have a warm kitty cuddle when you are around. You know just what I like!! I am always here for you, babe, throught the darkest of times (yours or mine).

I didn't get to see a few other friends as well. Nerys, my dear friend, I hope you are well. I miss you and think of you and your husband often. I'm always here for you, hun. MTD, you have always been a great listener, great supporter, thank you for everything. Stewart, you are always one of my greatest friends, I hope you are doing good, I know you are a busy guy. I need to mention a few other friends who are on my mind: Equinox, Troy (Antwerp), Chopper, Puerilis, Emil, Justyn, Mooshue, JC, Ghost, Cooper, Rainee,

Ok, this has gotten quite long, but I had to tell each of you just how much you mean to me. My world can become quiet cold, dark and lonely, but knowing that I have friends like you out there, gives me hope, strength.

Ok, I need to go eat something and I have stuff to do. It was good to be in world again. I think I have to sell my one parcel of land. If you are interested, let me know. I'll be around. You can almost always find me on msn, let me know if you want the email for it and I am very happy to talk to all my friends.

Love you all,

PS Stu, thank you for all your love and support... and money too. I don't know what I would ever do without. I love you.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

I'm a nerd and blame Q for this post. hehe

What Be Your Nerd Type?
Your Result: Gamer/Computer Nerd

You enjoy the visual stimulants of a video game, chatting on AIM, or reading online comics. Most of these types of nerds are considered dirty who lack hygeine, of course they always end up being the ones who make a crapload of money. And don't worry, that's just a stereotype; I'm not calling you dirty. ^_~

Drama Nerd
Science/Math Nerd
Literature Nerd
Artistic Nerd
Social Nerd
Anime Nerd
What Be Your Nerd Type?
Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

Thursday, October 23, 2008

You are NOT a loser... You will "Stand Back Up"

I reach out my hand to let my dearest friend know that I'm here for him in his dark time. You are not a loser, my friend. Games have been played, yes... but you are better than that. I know the pain is still fresh and you want to turn away, but I am stubborn and won't let go of your hand when you fall. I am here to help you stand back up. I love you always my dearest friend... I have put on my armor, feel free to vent, rage, whatever you need to. I know you need to do that right now and am prepared for it. You are a great person, I have seen your soul and know the truth inside. I know at times it is hard to accept help from a friend, but know that I'm here when you are ready, dear sweet friend.

Dedicated to RZ

"Stand Back Up"
by Sugarland

Go ahead and take your best shot,
Let 'er rip, give it all you've got,
I'm laid out on the floor, but I've been here before,
I may stumble, yeah I might fall,
Only human aren't we all?
I might lose my way, but hear me when I say,

I will stand back up,
You'll know just the moment when I've had enough,
Sometimes I'm afraid, and I don't feel that tough,
But I'll stand back up,

I've been beaten up and bruised,
I've been kicked right off my shoes,
Been down on my knees more times than you'd believe,
When the darkness tries to get me,
There's a light that just won't let me,
It might take my pride, and my tears may fill my eyes,
But I'll stand back up,

I've weathered all these storms,
But I just turn them into wind, so I can fly,
What don't kill you makes you stronger,
When I take my last breath,
That's when I'll just give up,

So, go ahead and take your best shot,
Let 'er rip, give it all you've got,
You might win this round but you can't keep me down,

'Cause I'll stand back up,
And you'll know just the moment when I've had enough,
Sometimes I'm afraid and I don't feel that tough,
But I'll stand back up,

You'll know just the moment when I've had enough,
Sometimes I'm afraid and I don't feel that tough,
But I'll stand back up.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008


Love is any of a number of emotions and experiences related to a sense of strong affection. The word love can refer to a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes, ranging from generic pleasure ("I loved that meal") to intense interpersonal attraction ("I love my girlfriend"). This diversity of meanings, combined with the complexity of the feelings involved, makes love unusually difficult to consistently define, even compared to other emotional states.

As an abstract concept, love usually refers to a deep, ineffable feeling of tenderly caring for another person. Even this limited conception of love, however, encompasses a wealth of different feelings, from the passionate desire and intimacy of romantic love to the nonsexual emotional closeness of familial and Platonic love to the profound oneness or devotion of religious love. Love in its various forms acts as a major facilitator of interpersonal relationships and, owing to its central psychological importance, is one of the most common themes in the creative arts.

This is to all the people that I love. Friendship and family being the strongest love that I have.
My brothers: Rickie, Danny, Damien, Hap, Galen, Franzi, Justyn, Spanki, Jeremie, Stu.
My Sisters: Tori, Daywalker, Felicity
My best mates: Stewart, Jamie, Chopper, Puerilis, Tonyboy, Buger, Octavia, Mike (MTD), Rainee, Rod, Benji, Mike, Amarii, Dada, Crim, Emil, Gareth, Mr. D.
Someone Special: Ianto

"Many people will walk in and out of your life,
But only true friends will leave footprints in your heart."
-Eleanor Roosevelt-
What a grand thing, to be loved!
What a grander thing still, to love!
- Victor Hugo -
A friend is someone who reaches out for your hand...
and touches your heart.
- Author Unknown -

Friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet
when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.
- Author Unknown -

A friend is someone who walks in
when the whole world has walked out.
- Author Unknown -
Parents start you off on life
but friends get you through it.
- Dee Chou -

Side by side or miles apart,
good friends are always
close to the heart.
- Author Unknown -

Some people come into our lives and quickly go.
Some people move our souls to dance. They awaken us to
new understanding with the passing whisper of their wisdom.
Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon.
They stay in our lives for awhile, leave footprints
on our hearts, and we are never ever the same.
- Flavia Weedn -

To the world you may be one person,
but to one person you may be the world.
- Bill Wilson -

A bell is not a bell
until someone rings it,
a song is not a song
until someone sings it.
Love wasn't put
in the heart to stay,
for love isn't love'
til you give it away.
- Chanh Kha -
“Dance as if no one were watching,
Sing as if no one were listening,
And live every day as if it were your last”

Saturday, October 18, 2008

This is all about TORI

Ok, Tori, babe, you asked for it!!!!!

Let's go back 2 years... *insert funky time travel music here* I loved the Harry Potter Universe... so, I started roleplaying in it. One of the very first people I met was a lady named Lexus. I got to know Lexus very well and when I started roleplaying a new character, she was my best friend. I walked her down the isle on her wedding day. I was the godfather of her child. Sadly, she had trouble and went away. Now, enter Blair. I was so glad to have my friend back. She knew all my "dirty little secrets" and we even exchanged real life myspace profiles. I took some time away and came back with a new character, we were once again reunited and I decided never to let her go again. When I found Second Life, I dragged her along for the ride. She is my BEST FRIEND FOREVER!!!! She is my Tori!!!! I love her to death!!!

Friday, October 17, 2008

Shiny things and random thoughts

Well, right now I am taking a moment away from watching the fishies in the tank. I have some things on my mind and just wanted to put them here and hope they leave my brain alone for a while. Too many things can drive a Neko crazy you know.

First of all I'm very touched that my oooh too sexy brother, Justyn, decided to use my poem in his blog. I love my new brother, he gives me incestuous thoughts. hehehe. Well, so does brother Franzi. I love Franzi's new Neko hangout. I like to just go and hang out with him and my other brothers. I love having a family, they make me feel needed and wanted and loved, just like a Kitten should.

I am the true embodiment of a Neko. Like Franzi said, it isn't just the wearing of the ears and tail as so many wannabes do because they think it looks cool. It is an attidude and way of life. We are kitties after all. Kitties need love and attention. We like to be held and cuddled. We need to know that we are needed. I am kinda like a big brother Neko, I have all those needs, but also the heart to want to give that to others.

I was truly a happy Neko for a few days when I found my Neko brother, Jeremie. He made me feel so loved and just wanted to make me happy. That all feel apart and I'm afraid to show my heart again. Well, that is slowly changing, but I'll get to that later.

Speaking of my heart, it breaks right now for my True Friend, Rickie. I know he is in a lot of pain. He is more than my friend. He is my Family. Rickie, I know you read my blog, I love you more than words can ever say, my friend. I am ALWAYS here for you. I wish I still had the sappy blurb I origially wrote for you in my Picks, but here is the new one...

"The road of life that we follow may have bumps or holes that cause us to trip, stumble and fall. Though we may hurt bad, we know that there is always friends to help us back to our feet and continue on. We take it slow as we recover from pain, but we are never alone.
We find strength in our friend's love. Our friends are the family that we choose to keep in our lives. Friendship is one of the highest forms of love. My love and caring for you transends the pixels. Whenever you need me, I will be here. I have two perky earsy and a strong shoulder, two loving arms and a solid heart.
The piece of your heart that I found beating is safe within me where I keep it safe. Never give up hope, Rickie, I know you have the strenght inside you. Let me be your rock, your light, your friend. No matter where the twists and turns of the path we follow may lead, know that I am forever at your side, my truest friend."

There is always room in my baskey for you to come cuddle, Rickie. I'm the mosting loving House Pet you will ever find, unconditional love is what a house pet brings, loyalty and devotion.

I don't know what to say about Quag as he doesn't trust me or talk to me, I have learn to let that go, but just wanted it off my chest. Q, if you read this, I always tried to be there for you.

Ok, on to more family... My brother, Danny is getting married soon to Buger. They had some rough times, but I'm glad they are making it through. I'm always here for you, Brother. I am still honored to be your best man.

Damien and Hap are getting married soon too. I love those two!!! The stars really did align the day they met. I'm always here for both of you, my brothers!!!!

Hmmm, Galen, another of my brothers, the big brother who always kicked my ass into gear, or just played with my xcite just to watch my face, lmfao. You still look out for me, but most of the time you are all mushy in love, Oh I am SO happy for you, Galen!! It was great to meet Tommie finally. You two are so cute!!!

That brings me to one of the most important things on my mind... ok, it has been very hard to keep writing about other things as he is always on my mind. lol. Galen recently introduced me to his friend, Ianto. His plan was for the two of us to go off and fuck, but we had a much better time just getting to know each other. GAWD!! He is the sweetest guy I've met!!! I don't have to even be doing anything, just following him around watching him docorate his new house on his new land, and I'm purring with happiness just being close to him. I catch myself looking at him and smiling.

I know everyone (*coughcough*Rickie*coughcough*Galen*coughcough*Tori*coughcough*) tell me to watch my heart, keep it safe. I'm trying!! I really am, I'm taking things slowly. My heart is still locked safe in its box, have no worries, but it is beating harder, wanting to break free of the darkness I try to keep it in. It sees a glimmer of hope. All I can do is take it slow, and when the time is right I will let it out. Rickie, long ago I gave you a piece of my heart to protect, I know you still do, but the rest of my heart needs to feel love again. I am strong and smart, it is still safe. It survived the pains that my trust and mind went through. You have taught me well, Sir.

So, Ianto, if you are reading this, Thank You for showing me that there is still good out there. I look forward to getting to know you more.

Galen, all I can say is "Thank You!"

Amarii and Morgen, I am glad to meet you and that so far you approve of me. LOL. I promise to take care of him if he will let me.

You know, I had a whole list of things I wanted to talk about. Damn, I knew if I started talking about Ianto, my mind would forget everything else. LOL.

Well, I am happily living with my sister, Tori, in a place we rent from my friend, Chopper. Chopper has taken VERY good care of us, putting an addition on the house, putting in a playground for me. I love living on the island. And I am very glad to have my BFFFF with me!! It is great to have Chopper and Puerilis around. Also, Jamie, who is my mentor and one of my bestest friends, Thanks for everything guys!!!

A couple quick shout outs to my friends that I haven't mentioned yet...

Jason and Andy, I hope you guys are doing well, I know it has been tough with all that you have been through lately with Club High Energy and the fiasco with Tainted Boys. I'm always here for you guys.

Brendon, I'm always here for you buddy, I'm sorry that your relationship didn't work out. I'm aways here for you.

It was great to meet Christo and Tim, Rod's two boys. I'm always here for all three of you. I love the store, by the way, Rod!

Mike and Benji (and Xander too), you guys are the best, I love working at Zippers! If you ever need anything, let me know!

I should say hi to CrimsyPoo, Dada, Fielding, JC, Lenny, MTD, Octavia, Sean, Stewart, and Tony.

I want to send out lots of love, licks, gropes, and purrs to Mr. D. You are still one of my best friends!! I'm always here for you.

Ok, I'm sure I missed SOMEONE... but I'm getting hungry and the fishies are very ...distracting... so I should get going. I know I probably forgot to mention something, but what else is new.


Oh, I just remembered one thing I wanted to complain about... well, two, but they go together! They need to allow more than 25 groups, I have to keep deleting ones to make room for new ones!! And the other is I need more than 10 picks... pfft. Come on Lindens!! Help us out!

Oh, and another thing... see, I told you it would all come to me AFTER I posted the blog, good thing is I just did and I'm sure no one has read it yet... Tiger and Rickie, I will try to find my Chicken Noodle Soup poem... it is on "floppy disk" from college. lol. Been a while since I've seen it. I have tons of poetry and if I can find it, I will put it up here for you. Love you guys.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

My first BLOG

Yeah, sure I've blogged before, but this is my first one HERE!

Okay, I am easily distracted by shiny or interesting things... ooh, I love my cat toy, it jingles and rolls around the floor, it is great fun to watch it bounce down the stairs, although, i hate when it gets stuck under the stairs... I like fishies, I have a fishy tank... Rickie says I am a goof, well what do you expect from a Neko!?

Ok, Rickie, here is my blog, now comment!!! I promised some poetry in here. I love poetry. I once wrote a sonnet about chicken noodle soup... true story!

I hate drama, but it loves me... I'm a loving neko that just wants to cuddle and purr and be loved. I hope you love me too. Not everyone does, but that is ok. Well, not really, but there is nothing I can do about it. I will just have to sharpen my claws a bit.

I live with my sister, Tori, who I met roleplaying a few years ago. She is my BFFFF (Best Fruit Fly Friend Forever). My dearest friend, Rickie... what to say about the man who makes me sweat when I dream about him... lmfao... I need to write the little sentimental blurb about you again.

Damien and Hap are getting married... finally... lol... I love those two guys!!! They are my brothers and such a bad influence on me! Danny and Buger are getting married too, I'm going to be Danny's best man. He is my brother, I would do anything for him.

Galen tells it like it is and kicks my ass in gear, but he has gotten all sappy lovey with his new boyfriend!! Love you Galen!!! Jamie is my mentor and has helped me out emensely!! I don't know where I would be without him!

Thank you to Jason and Andy who took a chance on me and gave me my first job in second life. I hosted for Club High Energy and fell in love with the club scene. I love meeting new people and having a good time. I found another home at Tiger's Isle where I became a dancer for Franzi, Quag and Rod's club. I then found a place at Zippers where I work for Benji and Mike. I recently got a job at Dezired Temptations too.

I know there was a lot of drama between some of my friends but I stick true to my friends. Even Jennilyn Dreamscape, who claimed I wasn't there for her. I was there for Van... and that caused even more drama... hey, I am bullheaded, I never give up!!! I love all my friends. I still am friends with Jeremie after all that has happened... Ok, there is one person I really do hate, but that is a long story and too painful to recount...

I better go now, my McDonalds is getting cold... ooh, I love the Monopoly game!!!

See you all soon!!
hugs, kisses and kitty whisker tickles,