Surviving... with your love and support

Ok, I have tried to tell everyone what is going on with Nevie right now, but it is a hard story to try and explain, so here is what is going on...

I have suffered from Clinical Depression my entire life. 8 years ago I was finally put on medication for it. All was going well for a while. 6 years ago I was put onto my current medication, then I moved. I never found a doctor that understood it well and helped me. So, for the past 4 years I have been on the same dose.

In September, I had a nervous breakdown. Instead of checking to the hospital, I went to stay with my sister for a week. She took me to see the family doctor. He was the original doctor who had treated me since I was 10 years old and first put me on medication. He said he couldn't do much for me since I live so far away, but he could set me on a path toward getting help. He said I needed to find a doctor that I could trust close to home. He started redcucing my dose of medication and added a supplemental medication to help me. I am now at the lowest stage of the process, ready to start new meds.

It has put me into a pretty severe depressive episode. I have not had the interest to do anything but lay here on the sofa, day in and day out. Every little thing makes me depressed. I have tried to stay in contact, but have felt no desire to get onto Second Life lately. Because of the depression, I feel so lost and alone. I know that getting online would allow me to see my friends and realize I'm not alone, but it is easy to tell someone that, another for them to see it.

Rickie has been my biggest strenghth through all of this. I can't put into words what he means to me. Rickie, you truly are my best friend. You are a true friend. I love you with every beat of my heart... and ever sigh of my heart. *smiles knowingly* It is the size that matter. *hugs Rickie tight* Never forget just how much you mean to me, Rickie. My Best Friend Forever. You are forever in my heart, a part of me.

Tori, my dear sister, I know I have been distant, but you always know where to find me. I love you so much. You really are my best girl friend out there, hun. I have known you for over two years now and our friendship still grows stronger each day. I am so happy for your engagement... both in world... and most importantly, in real life!!! Yay!!! I am always here for you.

Another person, who thought that because I was going through so much that he couldn't bother me, Galen, has also been a great help to me. Galen, hun, I am always here for you. I may have a lot on my plate, but I always have room for you. You are my family, remember that. Love you like crazy, bro!

Today, I logged into Second Life. I didn't know how I was going to feel. I realized just how loved I am by so many people. I am sorry that I worried everyone. Right now I have a lot going on and will still be quiet for a while. I have a lot to do in the next two weeks, then will have family in town, then I am going on a cruise. Okay, all you jealous people out there, get it out in the open. LOL. I will think of each and every one of you while I'm away. You are forever in my heart.

Jamie, you have been such a shining star in all my darkness, it seems that every time I feel the world growing colder and darker around me, there you are, to hold me close and show me the light, the love. You have become one of my very best friends. Thanks for always being there for me. I will always be here for you.

I spent a lot of time talking to Jason today. That really helped. Though I have know Jason for a while, I just see some things much clearer lately. Jason, you have always been a great friend, I am thankful every day that I know you. Thank you for taking the time to talk to me, show understanding toward my situation. You are a very special part of my life.

I also got to actually hang out for a bit with Damien and Hap at their new house. Gawd, I have missed you guys so much!! I love you both like crazy. Damien, hun, you know you can always get ahold of me. You and Hap are two of my very best friends. My brothers!! I love the new place. I am so happy for both of you. I still smile knowing that you love me enought have made me best man at the wedding. If ever you need anything, let me know. I always have time for you guys.

My brother, Franzi, actually tracked me down on msn yesterday and we talked. I feel bad that I have left and not been there for you. After the new year, I will be around more. I am always here for you, Franzi. Thank you for being there for me. I always know I can turn to you for some licks and cuddles.

I talked to Mike for quite a while. Mike and Benji both have been such great friends. I am honored to know them both and be considered family. You are my family as well. I love you both. I am never far away. I think of you all the time though. Ooh, Tell Xander I say hello, I miss my little Pug buddy.

Let's see, I talked to Gareth for a bit. He has become such a wonderful friend lately. We knew each other from work, but became good friends just recently. Thank you for everything, babe.

I also talked to Sexy Skyler. I have known him for a while, but it wasn't until more recently that we rekindled our friendship. He has really helped me out. One of the people I know I can always turn to for some kitty cuddles.

It as also good to talk to Andy. I am glad to know that I have friends out here who care about me.

I talked for a while with Lenny too. He is such a great guy. I am glad to find someone else who knows what I'm going through. If you should ever need me, I'm here for you, mate.

I even made a new friend today. I had seen him dance at Bad Puppy when I was there supporting DJ ReZ, but finally got to talk to Ricky. I hope to talk to him more again soon. I hope to get a chance to unwrap that "package" too. Hehehe. Yummy. He has a nice tail too.

There are a few people that I did not get to talk to today that are on my mind and I could not write this without mentioning them.

Octavia, my dear sweet fruit fly. I am sorry that you have been so worried about me. Galen scolded me for not keeping you all updated on how I'm doing. I love you so much. I'm sorry to have been so absent lately.

Benji, I am sorryt that I haven't been around lately. I hope I will still have my job when I return in January. LOL. I love you like crazy, brother.

Danny, you are one of the most special people in my life. you have been my best friend and brother since the day i landed my newbie ass at Boots. I love you with all my heart, hun. I know you haven't been on SL much lately either. I am usually on my msn if you really want to get ahold of me... I would like that actually, I miss talking to you.

There is someone I was really hoping to see today in my first real time on second life since the depression hit. He is someone I think of often. Thinking of him warms my heart always. I looked forward to spending time getting to know each other better, then he got sick and my derpession started getting worse. I leave him messages from time to time to let him know I'm thinking of him. I don't know how to say the things that go through my mind when I hear back from him. I really like him. He is one of the sweetest guys I know. My favorite thing to do is just sit quietly with him. I hope to do that again soon. So, Ianto, if you read this, I'm thinking of you and hope you think of me too.

Van, you are one of my greatest friends. I always know I will have a warm kitty cuddle when you are around. You know just what I like!! I am always here for you, babe, throught the darkest of times (yours or mine).

I didn't get to see a few other friends as well. Nerys, my dear friend, I hope you are well. I miss you and think of you and your husband often. I'm always here for you, hun. MTD, you have always been a great listener, great supporter, thank you for everything. Stewart, you are always one of my greatest friends, I hope you are doing good, I know you are a busy guy. I need to mention a few other friends who are on my mind: Equinox, Troy (Antwerp), Chopper, Puerilis, Emil, Justyn, Mooshue, JC, Ghost, Cooper, Rainee,

Ok, this has gotten quite long, but I had to tell each of you just how much you mean to me. My world can become quiet cold, dark and lonely, but knowing that I have friends like you out there, gives me hope, strength.

Ok, I need to go eat something and I have stuff to do. It was good to be in world again. I think I have to sell my one parcel of land. If you are interested, let me know. I'll be around. You can almost always find me on msn, let me know if you want the email for it and I am very happy to talk to all my friends.

Love you all,
Nevie

PS Stu, thank you for all your love and support... and money too. I don't know what I would ever do without. I love you.